


sailors dead and cold; tiddy soft and warm

by tansybells



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: But Merms Be Like That, Casual Discussion of Boobs, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Mermaids Don't Wear Shirts, One Shot, Seashell Bras Must Suck, casual discussion of murder, casual nudity, fight me, lots of boobs, mermaid au, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:15:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24609799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tansybells/pseuds/tansybells
Summary: “Listen, Mari-sweet,” Hilda said, cupping Marianne’s cheek in one palm and one of her breasts in the other. “These sailors haven’t seen a real boob in like, months. They’ll go apeshit over this. Trust me.”Marianne agrees to go drown sailors with her girlfriend and basically regrets it immediately.
Relationships: Marianne von Edmund/Hilda Valentine Goneril
Comments: 8
Kudos: 50





	sailors dead and cold; tiddy soft and warm

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by [Eth's](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ethereally/pseuds/Ethereally) simple prompt of "marihilda mermaids" like, a week ago. title by [Sam!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/samariumwriting)
> 
> no i dont know how i ended up here

The sun was warm across her face as Marianne broke through the surface of the water. She blinked rapidly, trying to adjust to the bright sunlight that reflected against the top of the water before she looked for her girlfriend.

It took a moment for her to catch sight of Hilda waving at her, but thanks to the stark contrast of her bright hair against the blue of the sky behind her, it was impossible to lose track of her after that.

“Marianne! Over here!” Hilda called. “Where’ve you been, babe? Any longer and it’ll be dark before we reach the ship! How would we seduce those sailors _then_?”

“I’m sorry,” Marianne said as she swam up to Hilda’s favorite sunning rock and brushed bits of bang out of her face. “The dolphins—they didn’t understand that I was coming to help you today. And once they did, they wouldn’t let me go until they found, um, the best things for my hair.”

Hilda flicked her tail playfully, sending a few sparkling drops of water across Marianne’s face as she set a woven bag down at her side. Then, delicately cradling her chin in her palm, she squinted down at Marianne.

“Yeah, yeah,” Hilda hummed after a moment of consideration. “I can’t blame them. You look beautiful, babe. _Gorgeous._ Those sailors are gonna swoon right off their boats.”

Hilda smiled at Marianne in that too-charming way of hers as she patted the empty space on the rock beside her. Marianne tried to smile back, but to her unsurprised chagrin, she just couldn’t muster that same level of confidence.

“You don’t need to lie,” Marianne said quietly, pulling herself just far enough out of the water that she could twist around to sit by Hilda. “I know I’m not built for this.”

“Don’t be stupid, Mari!” Hilda’s laughter rolled out across the ocean’s surface, and Marianne found herself smiling at the charming melody. “You’re perfect for the job! Just need a little adjustment, is all.”

Marianne grimaced. When Hilda had suggested that they go out to lure sailors together, she’d been reluctant to agree. She was far more comfortable with the idea of spending her day in their little grotto, caring for the creatures that flocked to them and tending to the garden she’d carefully created over the years.

But then her girlfriend had fluttered her lashes and shoved out her lower lip _just so—_ and had there ever _really_ been a time when Marianne could say no to that face?

And Hilda _knew_ it.

Before Marianne had the chance to say anything more regarding the situation, however, Hilda leaned in close, stroking her chin and squinting at Marianne’s chest. Marianne shoved down the urge to cross her arms over her chest and cover her breasts, instead letting Hilda ogle away. It wasn’t nothing she hadn’t seen before, but Hilda was looking at them with a more… _practical_ eye than what she was used to.

“They’re too small to do any good,” Marianne whispered, sea-spray stinging against the warm blush of her cheeks as she looked away from Hilda’s scrutinizing gaze. “No sailor’s going to want to look at me, not when _you’re_ there to look at.”

Hilda snorted. “Listen, Mari-sweet,” she said, cupping Marianne’s cheek in one palm and one of her breasts in the other. “These sailors haven’t seen a real boob in like, _months._ They’ll go apeshit over this. Trust me.”

Marianne opened and closed her mouth. Repeatedly. Like a fish. She sometimes struggled to wrap her mind around Hilda’s casual salacity, and if the hand on her chest was anything to go by, this would happen to be one of those times.

Ignoring her burning cheeks, she brushed Hilda’s hand aside and started combing her fingers through her long hair. The dolphins had tried their best, but they didn’t quite seem to understand that the tiny crabs, shells, and giant chunks of seaweed suspended in her hair weren’t exactly… _attractive._

“Isn’t there—can’t I do something else while they stare at _your_ boobs?” she asked. “There’s—I mean, I haven’t exactly done this before.”

“It’s kinda in your blood.” Hilda shrugged. “Like, this is more or less what sirens are supposed to do? And it’s _sooooo_ easy. Like I said, the guys on these ships are so desperate for women that they’ll, like…well, they’ll literally jump into the water for a chance for tiddy.”

“I could sing instead?” Pulling her hair over her shoulder to pick out a strand of seaweed that she’d missed while combing through, Marianne looked at Hilda hopefully. When that didn’t immediately work, she tried to play a card from the other mermaid’s deck of tricks and batted her lashes with a smile.

“A siren’s song works just as well as… um, as well as showing off, right?”

Hilda laughed and, shaking her head, leaned in to press a little kiss against Marianne’s cheek.

“You’re so sweet,” she said, grinning hopelessly. “I love that about you. Now can I _please_ fix your boobs?” 

“But you just said they’re fine!” Marianne folded her arms in front of her chest and turned her sulking out towards the sea. “Or, um, something like that.”

“They are! Thing is, these guys have _expectations_ nowadays _._ ” Hilda tangled her fingers together, laying them in her scaled lap as she joined Marianne in looking out at the ship darkening the horizon. “See, ever since they saw those chicks down the bay—you know the ones, with that mermaid who sings all the time and that older one that thinks you’re the sweetest thing ever?”

“Annette and Mercedes? They’re nice. I like them.”

“Yeah, them!”

“We should go visit them sometime.”

“For sure. _Anyway_! Annette was goofing off, she said, and stuck some shells to her chest? Something like that. And then some sailors saw her, and saw her tail when she swam away, and now they don’t think we’re actually mermaids unless we’ve got shells on our boobs.”

“They—they _what_ ?” Marianne squinted in confusion, the reality of Hilda’s words yet to wholly sink in. “ _Shells_?”

“Yeah. _Shells._ Soooooo…” Hilda picked up the bag that she’d set aside when Marianne had first arrived and dumped its contents out in the space between them. Shells of all shapes and sizes clattered down onto the rock, and Hilda proudly splayed her hands out above them.

“Taa-daa! I found us a fuckton of shells.”

Surveying the shells, Marianne _ooh_ -ed and _ahh-_ ed as appropriate. Hilda wasn’t exaggerating. She’d found what seemed like a million sorts of shells, in all the different colors of the rainbow. There was also a hermit crab hidden within the pile, which Marianne gently set aside before setting about sorting Hilda’s haul.

Some were obviously not going to suit their purpose. Marianne couldn’t even _imagine_ how Annette might have stuck shells like a conch or even a cowrie to her chest, much less a nautilus. When she was done with sorting through them, however, she was left with the more simply designed shells. Abalones, clams, scallops—those seemed to be their best options. The gentle, natural curvature of the shells seemed like they would hold the like curves of their breasts most comfortably.

“Did Annette say how she held them on?” she asked, holding up two halves of a clamshell and comparing their sizes against her chest. “I don’t think adhesive would be very comfortable to take off.”

But Hilda was already tinkering away, putting the nimbleness of her delicate fingers to use as she tied and wove a pair of scallop shells together with a length of sinew that Marianne hadn’t seen her bring into the open.

“I think I’ve got something figured out, whatever Annette did,” she mumbled between the sinew in her teeth, just before snapping through the sinew and tying off a knot. Then Hilda held up her creation, and Marianne could only marvel at it.

She didn’t have an eye for crafting, not like Hilda did, but she could at least get the idea of what was intended. Not only were the shells suspended by Hilda’s deft tying, but there seemed to be a few loops and loose ends intended for tying the shells to a body. It would be a bit of a precarious positioning, but if all she and Hilda had to do was sit on a rock and look pretty to lure sailors in, it would do the trick.

“It looks nice,” Marianne said, earnest despite her misgivings. “Are you going to try it on?”

“It’d actually be helpful if I could put it on you,” Hilda replied, holding her contraption out towards Marianne, who brushed her fingers against it gingerly. “See what works and what doesn’t and all that jazz.”

“Um, okay.” With a shy smile, Marianne lifted the largest loop and let it fall over her head.

As mermaids, it was simply easier to forego clothing. All it did was slow them down and threaten to tangle them up while swimming. There was no shame to be found in the bareness of her chest.

“It’s not the most comfortable,” she commented, turning a bit to the side and lifting her hair up so Hilda could lean over and tie the loose strings behind her back. As soon as Hilda tapped her shoulder, letting her know that the knot was tied, she let her hair fall and moved to adjust the way the shells cupped her breasts. “They’re hard.”

“Yeah, well, they’re shells.” Without any warning, Hilda brushed Marianne’s hair aside and set her chin down on her shoulder. “Looks super cute, but it’s not something I’d wanna wear forever.”

“Or for long.”

“It won’t _be_ for long.” Hilda reached around from behind and grasped the shells in her palms. Marianne sighed as Hilda’s fingers danced against the boundary between hard shell and soft skin. Hilda’s priorities would never change, it seemed.

Thankfully, her clinginess usually abated the majority of Marianne’s silent worries. “Just let me make one for myself, and then we can get out and drown some sailors.”

Smiling, Marianne leaned back and turned to gently kiss Hilda’s cheek. “Sounds like a good idea, beautiful.”

“Alright!” Hilda cheered. She swooped in for one last triumphant kiss before pushing off the rock, her tail glimmering pink in the sunlight as she flicked effortlessly into the water. “Time to murder some sailors!”

Marianne laughed as she followed her companion into the water, a little bubbly sound that continued even after she was fully submerged. “What happened to making yourself one of these shell things?”

“You know, I _just_ decided that covering up my best assets might not be the right way to go about this.”

“But you said that Annette—”

“Yeah, but covering up these beauties would be a crime. Admit it.”

Marianne found herself laughing again, harder this time, as Hilda cupped her own breasts with a knowing, playful smirk.

“Alright,” she said as soon as she stopped laughing long enough to speak, reaching out to tangle her fingers together with Hilda’s as they swam together. “Let’s go drown some sailors.”

**Author's Note:**

> I had to get this out of my system before I could work on my piece for the Women Loving War Criminals wlw rarepair big bang, haha. More mermaids to come soon! _Hildagard_ merms, at that! 
> 
> Thoughts? Ideas? Just want to chat? I can be found at my [tumblr](https://tansybells.tumblr.com) and [twitter.](https://twitter.com/tansybells) Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. Have a lovely day! ❤


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